When the Seasons Change: What Fall Can Teach Us About Grief

There is something beautiful about fall.

The air becomes cooler. The days become shorter. Leaves that were green only weeks ago begin turning brilliant shades of red, orange and gold. Eventually, they release their hold on the branches and fall to the ground.

Everything around us reminds us that change is part of life.

For someone who is grieving, however, the changing seasons can bring complicated emotions.

A cool breeze may remind you of walks you once took together. The smell of leaves burning or pumpkin bread baking may suddenly transport you back years. Football season, school activities, family traditions and approaching holidays can all awaken memories.

Sometimes those memories make us smile.

Sometimes they make us cry.

And sometimes they do both.

Grief Has Seasons, Too

Just as nature moves through seasons, our grief changes with time.

In the beginning, grief can feel like a long winter. Everything may seem cold, unfamiliar and lifeless. We may wonder whether we will ever feel like ourselves again.

But grief doesn't remain exactly the same forever.

Eventually, little moments of spring begin appearing.

You laugh without forcing it.

You enjoy lunch with a friend.

You notice something beautiful.

You make plans and actually look forward to them.

Then another difficult day arrives, and you wonder, Am I going backward?

No.

Grief isn't a straight line.

One difficult day does not erase the healing that has already taken place.

Fall gives us a wonderful picture of this. A tree doesn't panic when its leaves begin to fall. It is entering another season.

Perhaps there are things we need to release, too.

Guilt.

Regret.

Anger.

The belief that healing somehow means forgetting.

The expectation that life must look exactly as it did before our loss.

We don't release the love. We learn to release some of what is keeping us from moving forward.

“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.”
— Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV

There is a season for intense grieving—and there can also be a season for rebuilding.

Fall Can Bring Unexpected Grief Triggers

One reason seasonal changes can be difficult is that our brains connect memories with sights, smells, sounds and traditions.

You might walk into a store and see the Halloween candy your husband always bought.

You might see the first colorful leaves and remember your mother decorating her house every fall.

You may hear a particular song during a football game and suddenly think of your child.

These moments are often called grief triggers.

Instead of fearing them, try recognizing them:

This reminds me of someone I love. That's why this hurts.

Take a moment. Breathe. Allow the memory to come.

Sometimes we can even intentionally turn a painful trigger into a meaningful remembrance:

Yes, Mom loved this.

He would have laughed at that.

She always loved this time of year.

The memory may still hurt—but eventually it can begin bringing warmth along with the sadness.

A Christian Perspective on Halloween

Fall also brings Halloween, and Christians have different convictions about whether or how they participate.

Halloween's history is complicated. Some of its customs have connections to the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, a seasonal observance marking the transition from summer into winter. Over centuries, these customs became intertwined with Christian observances surrounding All Hallows' Eve, All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day, as well as later folk traditions.

Today, of course, Halloween in America is largely a secular celebration involving costumes, candy, pumpkins and neighborhood fun.

At the same time, Halloween also prominently features imagery involving witches, demons, ghosts, death and the occult. Some modern occult and neo-pagan practitioners attach spiritual significance to this time of year and usher in demonic activity during this time. Because Scripture clearly warns Christians against witchcraft, divination, mediums and attempting to communicate with spirits (Deuteronomy 18:10–12), some Christians understandably choose not to participate in Halloween at all—or choose alternatives such as fall festivals and church events.

Others participate while simply avoiding the darker elements.

This is an area where Christians may arrive at different personal convictions.

And I think we can extend one another some grace.

There is certainly a difference between participating in occult practices and a five-year-old dressing like a princess or superhero and happily collecting a bucket full of Snickers!

We don't need to judge one another over candy and costumes.

Parents can prayerfully decide what is appropriate for their own families while keeping the focus on what is good, wholesome and consistent with their faith.

What About Día de los Muertos?

Another observance we increasingly see during the fall is Día de los Muertos (Day of the Dead), celebrated primarily in Mexico and in Mexican communities elsewhere.

Its traditions developed from a mixture of Indigenous customs and later Catholic influences. Families may create ofrendas(altars or displays) containing photographs, flowers, candles and favorite foods associated with loved ones who have died.

It is important to be respectful of the cultural meaning this observance holds for many families.

From a biblical Christian perspective, however, there is an important distinction.

Remembering and honoring someone who died is not wrong.

Displaying photographs, telling stories, visiting a cemetery, cooking Grandma's favorite meal or celebrating the person's life can all be beautiful forms of remembrance.

But Christians are instructed not to attempt to summon, communicate with or seek guidance from the dead. Our hope and spiritual connection are directed toward God, not toward communicating with those who have died.

We can remember our loved ones deeply without trying to reach them spiritually.

What Will Your Next Season Look Like?

As the leaves begin falling this year, perhaps ask yourself:

What am I ready to release?

Maybe it is guilt.

Maybe resentment.

Maybe fear about moving forward.

Maybe the expectation that you should be “over it” by now.

And then ask another question:

What am I ready to allow back into my life?

Joy?

Friendship?

Laughter?

Travel?

Purpose?

New traditions?

Healing doesn't require leaving your loved one behind.

It means learning how to carry your love for that person into the life that is still in front of you.

The trees remind us every fall that releasing something doesn't mean the story is over.

Sometimes it simply means a new season is beginning.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time.”
— Ecclesiastes 3:11 NKJV

Whatever season of grief you are in today, give yourself grace. And remember that seasons change.

If you would like support navigating your own season of grief, please reach out. Sometimes having someone walk beside us can help us recognize the healing that is already beginning—even when we can't quite see it ourselves.